UUUgh. I cannot sleep. I took my A.D.D medication yesterday morning and then at noon. I also had a coffee which I didn’t think really did anything to my sleep but here I am at 3 am awake and headachin’ and getting worse.
It’s so hot here. I’ve been overheated all day. I’ve been getting the chills along with being hot and it just doesn’t make sense. I can’t get comfortable and I tossed and turned before I got up. The chills are such an odd sensation when it’s so hot out. I’m sure I don’t have a fever. Just hot…but chilled.
First I took a dose of my anti-anxiety med hoping it would help me sleep and I had some worrying going on in the background. Next I tried a benedryl. I’m still awake but my headache is intensifying. I took a couple excedrine along with a zantac which is par for the course these days. My long history of nsaids has finally caught up with me and gives me lots of stomach pain. Then I also took a zofran because of the migraine. Hoped it would also help put me to sleep. Still awake. Contemplating smoking a little weed. Maybe it will help.
My migraines are out of control lately. I go in spurts when they seem slightly better but then they ramp up. “Rebounding” they say. Don’t use so much medication. I wonder if these doctors suffer from migraines. I cannot go without treating my migraines. They get worse and worse and it prolongs the pain, nausea, brain fog. I literally cannot take the pain and cave into taking my medication. Those meds that I’ve relied on for years haven’t been working. I live with ice packs. They get me through taking the edge of the pain until my medication (hopefully) kicks in.
I think I’m going to try falling asleep soon. Headache still there, eye pain worsening. now i’m clenching my jaw. I’m really fun, aren’t I!?
Goodnights. Catch ya later, blog.
Well, it’s time to get back writing again. I started a new blog because I wanted to start anew. I want to be able to be honest with my writing but NOT be afraid to be discovered. It.
Here are 12 things about me.
- I suffer from several medical issues the forefront being migraine headaches and fibromyalgia.
- As long as I can remember I’ve had migraines. As far back as first grade I remember my head and severe eye pain I experience with my migraines.
- Medication does not work. I get very little help from my abortive meds and preventatives haven’t worked for me and I’ve many, many treatments.
- I’m not able to work now. It’s been a couple of years. I am thankful I do not need to work full time with migraines nearly daily along with the nausea, diarrhea and foggy memory, etc. It was recognized that indeed I am disabled by this. I’m thankful for my doctors support.
- I’m finding my way being home without a job. It’s a relief yet I do miss feeling the accomplishment of working.
- I’m often bored, lonely, indecisive, sad. These are all symptoms of depression. I’ve got that too.
- Oh, and I’m (not) lucky to have the other end of the spectrum. Mania. I’m bipolar diagnosed as an adult and I’m so thankful I know why I am how I am.
- I’m a lot crunchy. I believe in homeopathy, essential oils, CBD oil, weed…that kind of thing.
- Dog lover.
- I love all kinds of arts and crafts and have done both all my life. This depression or bipolar or something has caused nearly a halt in my creative process. I see now I was always manic when I’ve knit, sewn, crochet, painted and more. My mood is more stable but I’m trying to find my way back to my creative self. A lot of the things I’ve done in the past seem overwhelming and I don’t have the interest in learning how to do a new thing or read a pattern or follow directions.
- I’m doing more organic art now and I’m treading lightly. I don’t want it to get to that manic phase.
- Man, I miss mania. I miss the excitement…the “high”. I don’t miss the bad choices I’ve made, certainly. But my life was full of excitement, creative flow, music, concerts, spending. But what goes up, comes down. And depression always follows the mania so now I’m thankful I can recognize the ebb and flow.
As someone with chronic pain, I worry how my children see me. They’ve grown up with a mother who often has migraines. I still worked for years before my “crazy” put me on disability. The migraines are still there of course and have continued since I was a child.
I get all the symptoms of migraine. I get blurry vision, nausea, often I cannot speak while at the peak of the headache. After the migraine, if my medication helped with the head pain, I’m still left with those lingering postdrome symptoms like lethargy, dizziness, nausea, difficulty concentrating….that kind of thing.
My migraines are chronic meaning I have WELL over 15 migraines a month. I probably have one 5-6 days a week. Medication helps some but you just can’t take something with every migraine. And my medication used to help more but lately it’s not doing the trick.
In retrospect, I think this disease has given my children compassion. They get an occasional migraine themselves so they know what I deal with. Thank God they aren’t chronic for them, though.
They are helpful when I’ve got a really bad one. They’ve gone to the pharmacy for me, bring me ice when I need it, have gotten cold washcloths for me, gone to find me a fountain coke which helps settle my stomach. They don’t dote on me but when I need some help they are right there and aren’t judging me for not getting off the couch to clean the kitchen!
I guess even a migraine can be a blessing. Someday when they have their own families, I know they will be empathetic, kind souls who will be there with a sympathetic heart.
Lemons outta lemonaid. Crazy, right?